I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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