Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The uberlube is also flammable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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