Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
