Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
