Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
