I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
