I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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