i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
