I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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