well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
