i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
