Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
