can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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