watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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