someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
