Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
