Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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