george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
