ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
