dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
