i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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