She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she smelled like a LAN party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
