The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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