i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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