May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
