it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize