You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
