He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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