yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
