We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
