chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
