I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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