The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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