There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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