Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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