lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
