I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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