Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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