We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
