She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize