i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
