my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize