By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
