Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
