i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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