bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
