we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
