Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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