are you still at the devil's house?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
