At least make sure they are 18
Why
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
