if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
