Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
honey bunches of taint.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom