I heard we made out
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
