dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
