come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
