i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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