very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
