i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
MIDGETS
????
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
