Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize