I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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