piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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