shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
