I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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